Death is a part of life. Life is short. You never know when it’s going to be your time. Insert cliché about life and death here. While all are true, it may take a minute, or many, to appreciate the veracity of those statements when unexpected loss happens. We lost a real life wonder woman on July 19. We, in this instance, refers to anyone who had the pleasure of knowing, and loving, Nanci Boetto.
I’m unsure how one human could be everywhere, all the time, for so many, but she was. She did so without hesitation or complaint, and with a smile on her face always. Whether it was messages, memes, voice texts, phone calls, or emoji’s, she always knew the right words and her timing was perfection. Trying to express the magnitude in which Mama B impacted her sphere is an impossible task.
I knew Mama B for twelve years. We met right after Yvette and I came out and began to venture out as lesbian women. She was the unofficial matriarch of a little place called the Venue in Orlando. Until it closed, it was our home away from home in every sense. We learned instantly that Mama B was everyone’s mom. Once you met her, she had a way of accepting you as you were and claiming you as her own. She made it her mission to gather the misfits, cover them with flowers, and shower them with love.
No one conveyed an “everything is going to be okay vibe” better than she did. The sound of her laughter could have been the soundtrack for all the best things in life. She was genuine, encouraging, and happiness draped in floral prints and beautiful eclectic jewelry. Her spirit was light and her being was love. The shock of her death has been felt not only by her beloved family, but by the community which she dedicated her heart and soul supporting for so many years.
Nothing made me feel more loved than when Mama B arrived or was simply in the vicinity. She had a gift of making people feel loved, valued, and worthy. Her calendar was very full, but you’d never know it. Caring for her people energized her and she was damn good at it. Always. The last time I spent time with her was during a small gathering commemorating the five-year anniversary of Yvette’s death. When I saw her get out of her car, I was shocked but not surprised.
Her timing and ability to remember and appear for the important moments were impeccable. She made it a priority to be present during some of the best, and worst, moments in my own journey. Two book releases, an emerging artist project, countless talks on the lawn of fabulousness, and every private message. The good, bad, ugly and beautiful parts were all embraced and loved equally. All memories to be cherished while she was alive, but especially touching now.
Her energy helped me feel peace while sitting with Yvette during her short stay in hospice. When I left at 11:30pm, she stayed by her side. I didn’t want to leave. Nanci being there made keeping the promise I made to Yvette to sleep at home sting a little less. I knew Yvette was in the best company. Mama B left at 1:30 am. Yvette died shortly after according to the nurse. Mama B was also there as Dawn and I married. One of my favorite photos is of her quietly holding our rings while silently blessing them before the ceremony. Another being a group shot in which she is proudly holding our “All you need is love” wedding program in the air.
These are just a few examples of how important the act of showing up is for the people in your life. It means more than can ever be expressed. It seems ironic that her physical presence throughout the many losses we have all felt in the past decade would be missing now when we need it the most. The grief is real, but I am comforted knowing her presence has just transformed and remains with all who had our own special connection with her. Life is strange that way. She leaves a legacy of kindness, humility, selflessness, and compassion. She will be missed in ways words will never be able to express.
We are grateful to her family for their understanding and willingness to share her with us throughout the years. My wish for the world is to be blessed to know and be loved by someone like Nanci in their lifetime. May we also remember to show up for one another like she did and to love as well as she did. Fly high my dear, dear, friend. I’ll be on the lookout for those pennies.
